When Trauma Affects a Loved One Who Is ... Far Away

Distance compounds worry and fear when someone you love is in harm's way. Such events can cause stress overload in four key ways: (1) incomplete information and worry about the whereabouts of your loved one, (2) inability to communicate, (3) feelings of helplessness, and (4) a repeating media "loop" of bad news. Be specific about the things your employer can do to help you cope (such as flexible hours and unscheduled time off); most employers are willing to help. Turn off the television as an information source, and turn to official Web sites/information sources that disseminate important details. Maintain routines, because familiarity and normalcy in everyday life provide a natural antidote to emotional upheaval. Keep up an exercise routine. Stick to a schedule. Focus on things that you can control, like cleaning and organizing your surroundings. To satisfy the need to "do something," join forces with others organizing fund- raising events or working together to assemble care packages or to provide relief. Talk about what you're feeling with someone you trust. Write or e-mail your loved one even if he or she can't receive the message yet, because getting your thoughts on paper is a helpful emotional release. Don't keep children in the dark, and instead provide appropriate information. Let younger ones express their feelings through art projects, writing, and play. Turn to your employee assistance program for support and advice, because doing so is a proven path to wellness.